“When an elder dies, a library burns to the ground.” This old African proverb deeply resonates with me, especially when I think of my own parents. My dad, in particular, was a wealth of knowledge. He loved to read, but more than that, he spent a lifetime learning how things worked, how to make them, and how to fix them.
For a long time after he passed in 2017, I would catch myself reaching for the phone to ask him another “How do I…?” question, only to realize it was too late. We all have value by virtue of the fact that we exist. Each of us is a unique combination of knowledge and experiences that make us who we are. This reminds me of the sentiment “Everyone is my superior in that I may learn something from them” which is sometimes attributed to Ralph Waldo Emerson or Thomas Carlyle. I believe that we live in a world that has lost sight of this.
Conversations with the Past
Last summer, during a month-long visit to my childhood home, I spent a lot of time in a local graveyard. It’s about two kilometers from my mother’s house, and, a perfect distance for a morning walk with my dog. Having been away from Ingonish for several decades, I missed a lot of funerals to honour family, friends and neighbours. It was interesting exercise to wander around and identify their final resting places. And, truth be told, I spent a few minutes each morning having a one-sided chat with my father, along with quiet greetings to grandparents, uncles and aunts, cousins, and a few friends.
Those visits stirred fond memories – like watching Hawaii 5-0 in the ’70s with my grandmother when our own television was broken, or playing endless games of Rummy 500 with my uncle Jack and my mom. Each headstone seemed to stir another piece of family history, helping me place events in a timeline. I thought of my Aunt Theresa, who loved to sew (I still have a kilt my mom had her make for me), and my Aunt Molly, who was always baking cookies to share with loved ones. Those visits brought them closer to me, grounding me in a way that I had not felt in some time as I rushed through my days.
What People Leave Behind
As I read the headstones, I couldn’t help but notice the simplicity of the beginning and end dates – markers of a whole life lived. And yet, each person was so much more. Did they take the time to record their stories? To capture what mattered to them and leave something behind for others to witness? My own father kept journals, and though they sit waiting, I’ve yet to take the time to read through them.
I have my own collection of notebooks—though not as organized as my dad’s. Each year, he would purchase a hard-backed agenda and faithfully record his thoughts and daily events. My notebooks, by contrast, are a scattered mix. They are fragments of ideas, many incomplete, as I often start a new one before finishing the last.
Crafting a Legacy
My dad’s sense of craftsmanship extended beyond words. He built his own home and, in his later years, made thoughtful purchases to ensure his children could maintain what he created. His tool collection is impressive as a testament to a lifetime of fixing, building, and improving. Everywhere I look in his space, there is evidence of his handiwork. Wood was his favourite medium, though he also built the stone chimney for his wood stove and pretty much everything else in the house.
I can still picture him drawing simple characters on burlap sacks when I was a child. His mother would transform those sketches into beautiful hooked rugs. She, too, was both an artist and a scientist—like so many women of her time. I can still smell the homemade bread that she baked in an oven fueled by burning logs. It was the same stove she used for cooking and to heat part of the house.
Is there someone, important to you, that you could honour?
Writing Your Future Story
There are a couple of exercises I often invite clients to try. One is called the Rocking Chair Test, and another is to Write your own Obituary. Both are designed to help you reflect on what you want to say about yourself at the end of your life.
Imagine yourself, at 95 or 100 years old, still mentally sharp, and comfortably rocking away as you recount what was important to you over the course of your years. There are no real rules, you get to decide what to highlight: things that you’ve accomplished, how you moved through your world, people that were important to you etc.
Then, ask yourself: Am I living my life in a way that will make these things true? If you want to say you scaled Mount Everest but you don’t even hike, how likely is that to happen?
Living in Alignment with Your Vision
Another powerful exercise is to imagine your perfect day, at the current stage of your life. You don’t have to be elderly to be valuable. What are you doing, feeling, and planning? Who are you spending time with? Where are you living?
Then, ask yourself: Am I living in alignment with that vision? Will the life I’m living today lead to a satisfying visit to the rocking chair when the time comes?
Time, our most precious resource, is fleeting. If there’s something you truly want to be or experience, is there a better time than now to start making it a reality?
And if your life were represented as a library, what stories would it hold? Would you be proud of a life well lived?
Next Steps
Ready to take control of your retirement journey? If you’re looking for guidance in finding meaning, joy, and purpose in your retirement years, I’m here to help. As a certified coach, I specialize in working with individuals like you to create a vision for your future that goes beyond just financial security. Together, we can build a plan that brings you both peace of mind and fulfillment.
Contact me today to start the next chapter of your life with intention and clarity. Let’s make your retirement years the best years yet!