There is often an excitement that emanates from me when I delve into something that I’ve not done before. I’m thinking of that tandem sky-dive a few years ago or taking early retirement at 55. There is also a terror and sometimes they feel the same. Most of my life I ignored those sensory cues that were firing off in my body. I was ignoring them for my own good. Face the task or the problem, use my God-given brain and figure it out. Sound familiar? I cannot even count how many times I ignored what I felt, did what needed to be done and refused to listen to that little voice in my head or tickle in my gut that was trying to get my attention.
I’ve spent the last 5 years heeding that inner voice, that intuition that was whispering from within. It was saying “put me in coach” and I had spent a lifetime ignoring it – treating is as the smallest, most insignificant part of myself that never got to play. Always the last to be picked. By the time I decided to pay attention, the poor little lady was on life support and it took a while to resuscitate her and give her the space to learn how to trust herself again.
In the spring, I completed 4 sessions of a new coaching program for small groups of women called M.A.G.I.C. And, I’ve began a series of video conversations with women on YouTube and how they find, and spread, the MAGIC in their own lives. They are my latest interests on my journey and I am so grateful to have the energy to continue to create and try new things to show women how to find their own voices.
Even when it’s a little scary and I’m not quite sure what the heck I am doing. And – so many things moved in me over the pilot and the first few interviews. Boy oh boy did my inner voice have lots to say. Things like “Who are you to do this?” “Are you adding value anywhere” “There are other, more capable people offering ways to move forward and make changes in their lives….” And as I began to listen I noticed what was going on for me as the work, and the time in between, marched on.
It was incredibly hard for me to approach people to see if they wanted to participate in a pilot. I kept distracting myself to avoid asking the people on my short list. That, despite the fact that one lady told me months earlier to sign her up whenever I was ready to go! And then once, I had participants, I spent many weeks procrastinating on the content – knowing what I wanted to bring to the table and completely incapable of documenting any of it. That was what I did in the past – made pretty presentations with all of the right content and the right answers for all the questions.
MAGIC is an acronym for Manifesting Authentic GreenDot Moments with Intentional Choices. The point of MAGIC is that it is possible for each of us to live our lives in a meaningful way by making purposeful choices moment to moment based on what is important to us. When we do that, we will discover new things about ourselves that can inspire us to live in a different way. Small shifts can be huge. Simple. And anything but easy. And, oh so worth it! Those conversations were incredible. We can be available to the people in our lives in such a bigger way when we take the time to honour ourselves first.
So I jumped in. As my little posse worked our way through my 4 week pilot, I found myself often justifying myself by quoting others to create meaning. By the end of the pilot, it was clear that the MAGIC was in the conversations as we learned, and bounced ideas, off one another. I learned quite a bit about myself in the process – where I shut myself down and how I sometimes avoid the tough conversations. And the purpose of MAGIC is not to tell you how to live your life. It is an invitation to examine how you live today and an opportunity to mindfully learn something that you didn’t know you didn’t know. Powerful conversations with amazing women brave enough to show up.
And as for the YouTube conversations, on the day before the first one, I literally felt sick. Overcome with chills and an overwhelming fatigue but no fever. Well – my body was giving me an out. I couldn’t possibly interview someone while I am ill, even if it is on Zoom. I propped myself up with Tylenol and did it anyway. And then it took me a month to post it. I found all sorts of excuses “I’m not feeling well”, “There are things that need to be edited”, “My guest was brilliant but I was not”… On and on and on. If there is one thing that sticks in my mind about all flavours of my coach training – it’s Start before you are ready. Because honestly, we will never feel ready. Any number of beliefs rise to the surface and we’re six year olds being told no – not you all over again.
There is no right or wrong here. I’ve lived a good chunk of my life proudly ticking items off a check list to get that “atta girl pat on the head”. I’ve learned a few things and I can be of service to help others live life on their own terms. And everyone has a right to choose what is important to them and how they spend their time. For me – I never want to live waiting for someone’s approval again. Busy for the sake of busy without bringing me any joy is no way for me to live.
So welcome to season 6 and check out my YouTube channel to see conversations with some amazing women.
What are you doing to challenge yourself to live a meaningful life?