Overwhelm. Burning out from too many balls in the air?

Do you ever feel like a juggler with considerably more than 3 balls in rotation and you are desperately trying to keep them ALL aloft? Do you live with the constant feeling that if any of them drop – something terrible will happen?

I listened to two women deliver basically the same message last week. Living under that sort of continuous pressure is exhausting. I spent over a decade there as I entered my forties and life was tough for a while. Happiness seemed to elude me, and it felt like relaxation and downtime were the domain of those lucky “others”. Certainly, other than me.

The only way out was to internally reference. Strip away the external messages of the should’s and have to’s that came from the world around me. It was time to figure out who I was and what was important to me to allow me to live my meaningful life. It took time and I did not go willingly – at least initially. A burnout was what finally got my attention. 

Burnout Society

I am taking an Advanced Coaching program and we are reading a book called “The Art of Dialogue in Coaching” by Reinhard Stelter. There is one article that speaks to achievement and Stelter is inspired by the work of Byung Chul-Han and what Han has labeled, “the burnout society” in his essay “The Scent of Time: A Philosophical Essay on the Art of Lingering”. The discussion grabbed my attention as it gave me a better understanding of what is leading to essentially an epidemic of burnout. 

We now live in an achievement society with an emphasis on “self-management, self-monitoring and self-control as the key mechanisms of control.”  We live in a time where anything is possible – I really believe that. This leads to the freedom paradox where we have more options and more opportunities and choices and yet we are prone to self-exploit at a very high level. Think about the pressure we put on ourselves to be all things to all people. On top of that, the time spent on activities that do absolutely nothing to improve our lives. Think of the rabbit holes on the smart phone with easy access to virtually anything at any time.

“The information flow requires increased multi-tasking, which favours superficial attention and a lack of focused presence in the moment”. And WE KNOW IT! The those ladies that I observed this week spoke of an inability to stay in the moment. “Individuals move at a feverish pace without ever going anywhere – eventually succumbing to complete exhaustion.”  Does this sound remotely healthy or enjoyable? Does it sound familiar?

The Present Moment is the ONLY place that we can live

The present moment is the ONLY place that we can live. And we can only really work on one thing at a time.

And burnout is not simply caused by work – the whole person suffers – not just the employee.

Work is one of the many roles that we play as women, and there is a still a cultural bias towards women performing the bulk of childcare and household tasks over their partners.  A  March 2022 article in the Times Colonist reported that “per capita, the study (from Stats Canada) found Canadian women put in 820 hours of unpaid housework in 2019, 50 per cent more than the 540 hours of housework Canadian men did.”  And, to add to that, women were still making $0.88 cents to every dollar made by a man. Consider the presence of aging parents and it gets even more complicated. Apparently ladies, our time is not as valuable inside or outside the home.

Stelter talks about how mindfulness and fitness are intended to help the tired, stressed and exhausted people in our society and those tools can be great. But if you have only 10 minutes to cram in meditation or 30 minutes for the gym and you give yourself no down time – those tools will not necessarily help. I think that they may, in fact, exacerbate the situation by adding another item to the to-do list. The pressure amps up.

Perhaps, what we need is the ability to detach and disconnect from achievement long enough to give our bodies time and minds time to actually relax. To spend time in the present moment as a “human being” and not a “human doing”.  Stelter uses the term “lingering” which, according to Oxford languages, can be defined as “lasting for a long time or slow to end”. Remember those long conversations with a dear friend that fill your soul or a long, purposeful day at the beach that infuse you with renewed energy. How do those experiences sound right about now?

What’s the risk?

What is the real risk of letting one or more of those balls drop? What is the risk if you don’t let up and they all come crashing down around you in a burnout?

I’ve created a chart for you to visualize those roles that you play. Take a little time to do a self-audit. Are there balls that don’t belong to you and maybe it’s time to consider dropping?

Need help prioritizing? Get in touch – I’d love to work with you and I have lived experience in this area.